Why did Philippe Croizon have his limbs amputated?

Search: Phillipe Croizon

Why: Edward just posted this article with the tagline, "This guy clearly aspires to get eaten":

Philippe Croizon, Quadruple Amputee, To Brave Shark-Infested Crossings Between Five Continents

Croizon, who made a splash with his English Channel swim in 2010, is going to dive into open seas again, Agence France Presse reported.

A custom pair of flippers enables the limbless Croizon to swim.

With Arnaud Chassery, a former long-distance swimming champion, Croizon will start an aquatic tour in May 2012 in the Pacific Ocean with a 12-mile crossing between coastal towns in Papua New Guinea and Indonesia in an area known to be a shark and poisonous jellyfish habitat.

Etc. Where did his pre-existing limbs go? Into a shark's mouth? Because if so, he's really just an asshole.

Answer: Ha shoot:

• "A freak accident"
• His amputations were required due to a severe electric shock accident which occurred in March 1994.

And if I had scrolled to the bottom of the original article, I might have seen this:

• Croizon lost his arms and legs in 1994 after he was electrocuted while adjusting a television antennae on the roof.

That sucks.

Source: Daily Mail, Wikipedia, AOL

The More You Know: Speaking of sharks, I am going to the beach next week (in Florida, not California). Will I go in the ocean? I can't say for sure yet, but I will keep in mind that bull sharks attack in less than 2 feet of water, and also that they like to kill people in all parts of Florida, including Destin. Other sharks do, too!

Fatal, unprovoked shark attacks in Florida in the last 10 years:

• Thadeus Kubinski, 69 (8/30/2000) - Killed by a bull shark while swimming in Pinellas County, FL. Witnesses said Kubinski had jumped into the water from the dock behind his home for his daily swim and was splashing vigorously. The shark raced toward him with its dorsal fin out of the water. He died from massive blood loss and organ damage before rescuers could get to him. The shark was estimated to be 9 ft long and weigh 400 lbs.
• Eric Reichardt, 42 (9/16/01) - Drowned while diving on the wreck of the Ronald B. Johnson in 270 ft of water 2 miles off Pompano Beach, FL fighting off a bull or tiger shark. His diving regulator may have fallen out of his mouth causing him to drown.
• Jamie Marie Daigle, 14 (6/25/05) - Killed while swimming with a friend on boogie boards about 200 yards off a beach in Walton County, FL, 8 miles east of Destin, FL. Witnesses estimated the shark was 6–8 ft long.
• Stephen Howard Schafer, 38 (2/3/10) - Killed by a bull shark while kitesurfing at approximately 4:15 p.m. about 500 yards off an unguarded section of a beach south of Stuart Beach in Martin County, FL. Authorities initially thought that multiple sharks may have been involved in the incident due to reports by rescuers that he was surrounded by sharks; the Martin County medical examiner's office concluded that he died from massive blood loss from a leg wound

Can you guess how many fatal shark attacks have occurred on dry land? I bet you can.

If you are in California and thinking about joining Saturday Surf Club, don't forget to check the Pacific Coast Shark Watch (for reports about shark sightings this week at Long Beach, Newport, Seal Beach, etc.) every single day until you change your mind. And maybe also think about this poor kid:

• Lucas McKaine Ransom, 19 (10/22/2010) - Died after a great white shark pulled him off his bodyboard just before 9 a.m. about 100 yards off Surf Beach near in Santa Barbara County, CA. He suffered the loss of his left leg, resulting in massive blood loss. The shark that attacked Ransom is believed to have been 17–18 ft long, weighing approximately 4,000 lbs.

What animal is on the side of the U-Haul truck from Illinois?

Search: illinois uhaul

Why: I drove past one this morning, but I didn't have time to read the blurb. It looked like a gummy worm Loch Ness monster.

Answer: The Tully Monster!

“llinois once lay near the equator on the supercontinent of Pangea and was home to unique creatures. How did the strip mining of Illinois’ coal deposits reveal the secret of the Tully Monster?”

And this website has kindly already done my work for me:

The Tully Monster, discovered in 1958 in the Mazon Creek Lagerstaaten and named Tullimonstrum gregarium in 1966, is the state fossil of Illinois. Many have been found, but so far the Tully Monster is unique to Illinois. It dates back about 300 million years. We do not know what phylum it fits into. Its shape recalls the Anomalocaris, but that disappeared 100 million years earlier. Of course, with fossilization of soft-bodied organisms being so rare, perhaps it is a descendant of Anomalocaris!

Source: Science Notes

The More You Know: The anomalocaris ("abnormal shrimp") was a unsettlingly gigantic sea-dwelling predator that I'm really glad isn't around anymore, although I bet it would have been delicious.

Where can I get a Sharktopus doll?

Search: sharktopus doll; sharktopus toy; sharktopus stuffed animal; sharktopus plush; sharktopus beanie

Why: Some guy in my office has one sitting on the wall of his cube. When I asked where he got it, he said, "On, uh, one of the DVD talk websites...?" Instead of asking for more deets, I turned pea-green with envy and sulked away, feeling very less than.

Answer: I see lots! Like this one by Natalie Metzger:

This one by Suzannah Ashley:

This one by Giffy:

And this one by kamidake on deviantart.

There is even a Sharktopus pinata:

But I can't find the perfect one he has. It's a beautiful monotone putty color, just like a real octopus relaxing on a rock. It srsly looks like an actual Beanie Baby and would look very nice sitting betwixt the 2 octopus Beanie Babies I already have (Inky and Wiggly) and my shark (Crunch).

Source: none :( :( :(

The More You Know: Full disclosure: my Beanie Babies are all on top of a bookcase in my old bedroom at my parents' house, but Sadie and Ben play with them fairly often. Imagine what they could learn from this majestic and formidable hybrid! My birthday is in, like, 3 weeks, everyone. Don't make me go back and talk to that guy empty-handed.

UPDATE 1/21!! I have it on good authority that these things are available at Sundance, which is going on right now. If you can find a way...

UPDATE 2/14!! Here is a picture of The One, which Bryan Reesman got in a promo pack from Anchor Bay. He is calling it a Sharktoplush. Behold:

Is there a real movie called "Croctopus"?

Search: croctopus

Why: On "Modern Family" this week, Phil and Claire went to go see it in 3D. In 3D!!!!

Answer: No :( not yet...

BUT! Here are some very nice artistic imaginings of how one might look:

Source: nothing, Google Images

The More You Know: A croctopus also lives in the underwater levels of Donkey Kong Country. It is completely invincible, just like the real croctopus, but it really just looks like a regular octopus:

Why do we say "ring in the new year"?

Search: ring in the new year

Why: It's coming, y'all. What are you doing? Do you have your celebratory glasses yet? 2011 is causing problems for the novelty industry.

Answer: It's from the 1850 poem "Ring Out, Wild Bells" by Alfred, Lord Tennyson!

Ring out the old, ring in the new,

Ring, happy bells, across the snow:

The year is going, let him go;

Ring out the false, ring in the true.

Source: phrases.org.uk

The More You Know: Alfred Tennyson, 1st Baron Tennyson, FRS (6 August 1809 – 6 October 1892) was Poet Laureate of the United Kingdom during much of Queen Victoria's reign. In 1617, Ben Jonson became the first Poet Laureate to be made an official part of the royal household and receive a pension from King James I.

Though I'm pretty sure I had to know things about or by Ben Jonson at some point (probably 12th grade; whocanverify?), I don't remember even one detail, so instead, here is Tennyson's most glorious sonnet, "The Kraken."

Below the thunders of the upper deep,
Far, far beneath in the abysmal sea,
His ancient, dreamless, uninvaded sleep
The Kraken sleepeth: faintest sunlights flee
About his shadowy sides; above him swell
Huge sponges of millennial growth and height;
And far away into the sickly light,
From many a wondrous grot and secret cell
Unnumber'd and enormous polypi
Winnow with giant arms the slumbering green.
There hath he lain for ages, and will lie
Battening upon huge sea-worms in his sleep,
Until the latter fire shall heat the deep;
Then once by man and angels to be seen,
In roaring he shall rise and on the surface die.

Over Thanksgiving, Chandler sent me a picture of this godly elixir and divine vessel that his aunt & uncle had. I was so jealous that I nearly strapped on my concrete boots and took a long walk off a short pier.

Only 4 shopping days left!

What do scarification tattoos look like once they're healed?

Search: scarification healed

Why: I just saw this beautiful octopus, but it's, um, still raw bloody flesh.

Answer: Oh, they just look like fancy scars.

I'm not sure if that's the fad for me.

Source: Google Images

The More You Know: Speaking of red devils of the sea, did you see this poorly edited news story starring my favorite animal, the giant squid (except a specific kind of giant squid, not the legendary beast, the architeuthis)?

Millions of killer giant squid are not only devouring vast amounts of fish, they have even started attacking humans.

Two Mexican fishermen were recently dragged from their boats and chewed so badly that their bodies could not be identified even by their own families.

No wonder the giant squid are called "diablos rojos" - red devils.

Since 2002, Humboldt giant squid have been spreading their tentacles to deplete fishing stocks by moving from their traditional tropical hunting grounds off Mexico and laying claim to a vast sweep of the Pacific.

Hunting in 1,000-strong packs the giant squid can out-swim and out-think fish. Scientists believe they coordinate attacks by using pigment cells to communicate.

Marine biologists wear chain-mail to protect themselves from creatures that can measure 8ft, weigh 100lb and carry an armoury of more than 40,000 fearsome teeth along two “attack” tentacles.

The creatures have another eight “legs” for grasping and swimming and can reach speeds of more than 15mph.

Former US special forces diver Scott Cassell has put his life on the line to study the squid. He too has been attacked.

He said: “Within five minutes my right shoulder had been pulled out of its socket. I had 30 big marks on my head and throat and one squid hit me so hard I saw stars. They then grabbed on to me and pulled me down so fast that I could not equalise and I ruptured my eardrum.

“They are the most opportunistic predators on the planet. They eat everything in their path."

Keep your paw out of there, Chan Chan.

Where did the dodo bird get its name?

Search: dodo bird name

Why: Mummy and Daddy got me this lovely octopus charm from the Dodo collection by Pomellato, named after their first charm (over on the left there):

*The "D." is for diamond.

Answer: It's up for debate!

• It may be related to the Dutch word dodaars ("knot-ass"), a water bird known in English as the Little Grebe or Dabchick. Those birds have similar feathers on the hind end and are clumsy walkers, like dodos.
  
• It may be an onomatopoeic approximation of the bird's call, a two-note pigeony sound like "doo-doo" (lol).

The word "dodo" (as in, "Idiot! Don't you know it's day?!") has been around longer than the bird.

"Dodo" has been part of the English language since at least 1628, and the Dutch are not thought to have reached Mauritius before 1638. "Dodo" comes from Portuguese doudo (more commonly doido) meaning "fool," or, as an adjective, "crazy." The Portuguese word may itself be a loanword from Old English (cp. English "dolt").

Whatever. That thing was over 3 feet tall and weighed like 45 lbs.

Source: New World Encyclopedia, Wikipedia

The More You Know: It was believed that the loss of the dodo bird directly caused the near extinction of the tambalacocque, or dodo tree (there are only 13 left, all over 300 years old). One botanist theorized that the dodo tree's seeds would only germinate after passing through the digestive system of the dodo. To help with the tree's survival, he force fed tambalacocque seeds to 17 turkeys. The results were unclear.

Now, scientists think the decline of the tree may be due to competition with introduced plants and because they're getting eaten by introduced pigs and crab-eating Macaques - who I happened to be reading about just yesterday because the boy monkeys groom the girl monkeys in exchange for sex.

I want to see a piglet squid

Search: piglet squid

Why: On CuteOverload:

If you think this is weird, you should see the piglet squid he has on his thumb.

Answer: Well, I never. This is the one from that link:

And here are some more:

How bizarre, how bizarre.

Source: WeirdSeaMonsters.com, Google Images

The More You Know: The piglet squid has a large funnel, tentacles over the eyes, and small paddle fins. It is about the size of an avocado, which happens to be my favorite thing on earth. These little monsters live near the surfaces of all the oceans, even in Southern California! The thing is that it fills its little body up with water. When not all bloated, it looks like this:

I want to see a video of an angler fish eating

Search: anglerfish eating

Why: On "How the Male Angler Fish Gets Completely Screwed" on Oatmeal (I won't post the whole thing because it's so big):

Answer: Well I can't find anything, probably because the angler fish lives just about on the bottom of the ocean. But this is a kind of neat compilation of bioluminescent sea monsters:

But how do they even know that eating thing is true? I bet someone just made it up.

Source: :(

The More You Know: Maybe look at this informative graphic. Click on it, plz:

What are some names of baby animals?

Search: baby animal names

Why: I learned in White Oleander that a baby rabbit is called a kit.

Answer: Here are some you might not know!

• Alpaca - cria
• Ape - baby
  
• Badger - kit, cub
• Beaver, Ferret, Fox, Serval, Skunk, Weasel, Woodchuck - kit
  
• Boar - farrow, shoat, or piglet

• Chicken - chick, pullet (young hen), cockrell (young rooster)

• Cicada, Cockroach, Grasshopper - nymph

• Cod - codling, hake, sprag, sprat
• Echidna, Platypus - puggle
• Grouse - cheeper, chick, poult, or squealer
• Hawk - eyas
• Jellyfish - ephyra

• Mosquito - nymph, tumbler, or wriggler
• Peacock - peachick
• Pigeon - squab, squeaker
• Porcupine - porcupette
• Rat - kitten, pinkie, pup

• Sand Dollar, Sea Urchin - juvenile, larva, pluteus

• Sheep - cosset, lamb, lambkin

• Snake - snakelet, neonate

• Squirrel - pup, kit, kitten

• Swan - cygnet, flapper

• Tiger - cub, whelp

• Trout - fingerling, fry

• Turkey - poult

Source: ZooBorns

The More You Know: I am listening to White Oleander on audiobook, and it is read by Oprah. If you are ever interested in hearing Oprah yell out, "You f-ing c-word!" (but with the real words), it's on Disc 1, track 9, and so hilarious.

What's the anatomy of a jellyfish?

Search: jellyfish anatomy

Why: In this thing about the plastic bag that Werner Herzog narrated for FutureStates, the jellyfish look like this:

Answer: It has:

• A bell-shaped hood
• No basic sensory organs
• No brain
• A nervous system and rhopalia (small sensory structures) that allows it to perceive stimuli, such as light and odor
• Oral arms coated with thousands of venomous nematocyst cells. Upon contact, a stinging filament inside each nematocyst uncoils, stabs barbs into the prey, and releases toxins.
  
• No intestines
• No liver
• No pancreas
• A orifice used both as a mouth entry and a waste exit
  

Source: AnimalCorner.co.uk

The More You Know: Wait, what about those gonads?

Individual Jellyfish are either male or female. The eggs and sperm develop in very colourful special areas called 'Gonads' inside the body wall. When all of the eggs and sperm are fully developed, they are released into the stomach and then through the mouth into the sea. In most cases, to reproduce, a male jellyfish releases his sperm into the surrounding water. The sperm then swims into the mouth of the female jellyfish, allowing the fertilization of the ova process to begin.

WHAT!

How do fish do it?

Search: fish

Why: Nicolas Cage only eats animals that have dignified sex.

Nicolas tells The Sun, "I love all animals. I have a fascination with fish, birds, whales - sentient life - insects, reptiles. I actually choose the way I eat according to the way animals have sex.
I think fish are very dignified with sex. So are birds. But pigs, not so much. So I don't eat pig meat or things like that. I eat fish and fowl."

I have never seen fish sex, dignified or otherwise.

Answer: Some don't! There are 3 ways for fish babies to get made:

• Oviparity - Lay undeveloped eggs, External fertilization (90% of bony fish), Internal fertilization (some sharks and rays)
• Ovoviviparity - Internal development - without maternal nourishment - Advanced at birth (most sharks + rays) - Larval birth (some scorpeaniforms, rockfish)
• Viviparity - Internal development - direct nourishment from mother - Fully advanced at birth (some sharks, surf perches)
  

While oviparity has benefits (since the eggs are in water, oxygen and nutrients are abundant), the eggs are much less likely to get eaten when carried within the mother. Also, baby fish larva born in the water have to fend for themselves right away, whereas baby fish that come out of their moms' tummies are born fully advanced and ready to eat and fight.

Some fish are even hermaphrodites!

But when they do it, it looks like this:

Source: MarineBiology.com

The More You Know: Male gobies guard the eggs in a nest until the babies are born. The male yellowhead jawfish actually guards the eggs by holding them in his mouth! WHAT!

Do octopuses lay eggs?

Search: octopus lay eggs;

Why: I mean, they must, right? I can't imagine a cephalopod giving live birth. But what do they look like?

Answer: Yes! Ayee! 20,000 to 200,000 at a time! The female moves into a rocky den and sort of strings them up on the ceiling.

Over the next several months (1 to 6 depending on the species), she guards, incubates, and cleans them and blows water across them to ensure that they have enough oxygen. Then:

The female does not hunt during the period spent taking care of the unhatched eggs and may ingest some of her own arms for sustenance. At the time the eggs hatch, the mother leaves the lair too weak to defend herself from predators, often succumbing to their attacks.

:(

Source: Marine.AlaskaPacific.edu, Octopus.com, Wikipedia

The More You Know: Baby octopuses:

Why does the Starbucks mermaid have 2 tails?

Search: starbucks mermaid two tails

Why: I was looking at this clock on Etsy. You can see that early versions of the Starbucks logo were downright lewd. You can only see her fins today.

Answer: Because it's not a mermaid; it's a melusine! But first: the company is named after Starbuck, Captain Ahab's first mate in Moby Dick. In keeping with this theme, CEO Howard Shultz wrote:

Terry [Heckler] also poured over old marine books until he came up with a logo based on an old sixteenth-century Norse woodcut: a two-tailed mermaid, or siren... That early siren, bare-breasted and Rubenesque, was supposed to be as seductive as coffee itself.

Here is the hiccup: a Siren is half-woman, half-bird. A mermaid, of course, is half-woman, half-fish. In Greek mythology, both creatures seduce men and drown them. In fact, some languages use the same word for both bird and fish creatures, such as the Maltese word sirena.

But that's neither here nor there.

The whole sex-symbol status of mermaids hinges on the question which part is "woman" - upper or lower. "The other type of mermaid" that hapless Fry was referring to would have problems attracting suitors, of course. And how do you do it with the normal type?

Wise mythologists came up with the answer, of course. And the answer is a two-tailed mermaid sometimes called a Melusine.

Voilà! In European folklore, she is a woman up top and a fish or serpent from the waist down. Sometimes she has wings or two tails. She barely ever wears a shirt.

So Starbucks had that chick on its earliest logo:

Then this, this, and this. She even has a belly button in the middle one.

And now a coffee bag has another stylized "siren" mermaid melusine on it, but I'm not posting it because I don't even like coffee. You can look at it here. It's also on the clock up there.

Source: DeadProgrammer's Cafe, Brand Autopsy

The More You Know: Though Dead Programmer posted that like 5 years ago, NENA left him this comment a month ago. Do you agree or disagree?

NENA 1 month ago

DO U THINK SIRENS DO EXIST I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW BECAUSE
THOSE MYTHICAL CREATURES ARE VERY INTRESTING I HOPE
ONE DAY I COULD FINDON U KNOW THEY ALSO SAY IF U FIND ONE
THEY COULD GRANT U A WISH .. IF I FIND ONE I WOULD WITH IF I COULD
BECOME LKE THEM LIKE A MERMAID WELL
ITS ME DONT CARE WAT PEOPLE SAY ITS MY BELIEF