9/11 Misconceptions, Rumors & Urban Legends
* Some dude, usually described as a police officer, actually “surfed” the wreckage from the 82nd floor of the World Trade Center as it collapsed.
* CNN footage depicting Palestinians celebrating after the attack was actually filmed in 1991 during Iraq’s invasion of Kuwait.
* Survivors of the World Trade Center collapse made phone calls from under the rubble.
* Authorities developed a roll of film found in the wreckage of the World Trade Center that depicted a tourist on the observation deck seconds before the first plane made impact. [The guy is all bundled up like it’s in the middle of winter. Nice try!]
* Approximately 4,000 Jewish employees of the World Trade Center stayed home from work on September 11 after getting tipped off about the attack.
* ABC’s Peter Jennings questioned President Bush’s manhood on the air in the hours after the attack.
* A list of possibly offensive or insensitive songs such as “You Dropped a Bomb on Me” are officially banned from U.S. radio stations.
* Hindu secret agents of India plotted the attack to pit Christians against Muslims.
* A car bomb exploded at the State Department on September 11. [Various media outlets reported this item in the immediate hours of the attack].
* The owner of a Dunkin’ Donuts somewhere in New Jersey burned the U.S. flag after the attacks. [Editor’s Note: Some idiot on the Internet started a boycott of Dunkin’ Donuts after hearing this rumor, which had no basis in fact. We’ve also heard the same rumor firsthand but we were informed that the locale was a Subway sandwich shop.
* A coded message embedded in a Microsoft “Wingdings” font predicted the terrorist attack. [Note: And Bill Gates is Satan, right?]
* A tourist took a photo of a UFO hovering over the World Trade Center as it was engulfed in flames.
* Osama bin Laden is related to O.J. Simpson or is in fact “The Juice” himself. [We are extremely worried that they’ll bring bin Laden back ALIVE to the United States and he’ll be defended by one of those asshole Dream Team lawyers.
* The original title for head of Homeland Security was simply “THE ENFORCER.”
* The face of Satan himself can be seen in media photos of the billowing smoke engulfing the World Trade Center. [It looks like the devil to us].
* Osama bin Laden once operated a topless donut shop in Uzbekistan.
* President Bush plans to record John Lennon’s “Imagine” with new lyrics supporting the bombing of Afghanistan.
* The terrorist attack was the work of space aliens. In addition, Bill Clinton and George Bush are both space aliens. [Check out back issues of The Weekly World News for more information.]
* Rudy Giuliani was recently given the opportunity to remain mayor of New York City for the rest of his life.
* Osama bin Laden once traveled to Beirut to receive treatment for testosterone deficiency. [For more information about bin Laden’s rumored “underdeveloped sexual organs” and his rejection by an American girl, grab a copy of the Globe, October 2, 2001.]
* Occupants of the World Trade Center were warned to leave the building 45 minutes before the first plane made impact.
* Approximately 30 rental trucks were missing from New York in the days after the attack, signaling that terrorists were planning a second strike.
* Still embittered about the Florida election count, [the newly bearded] Presidential loser Al Gore masterminded the attack.
* Osama bin Laden is an opium addict who is dying of liver cancer.
* “Bonanza” is the No. 1 rated show in Afghanistan.
* A U.S. military helicopter equipped with missiles was witnessed hovering around the World Trade Center 10 minutes before the first plane made impact.
* A couple of Arab school kids in Jersey (or was it Pennsylvania?) told their classmates of the impending attack.
* Osama bin Laden is the illegitimate son of Saddam Hussein.
* The Swiss engineered the attack in a desperate attempt to raise the price of gold.
* The folks at NASA requested that all Americans step outside their dwellings and light candles at a specified time so that a satellite photo could be made symbolizing national unity. [“I’d like to teach the world to sing . . .”]
* One of the terrorists rented Black Sunday, starring Robert Shaw and Bruce Dern, three nights before the attacks.
* Shopping malls around the United States are targeted for terrorism on Halloween. [This rumor was told to American girl by her Afghan boyfriend, who has mysteriously disappeared, according to rumor . . .]
* Osama bin Laden’s younger brother, Nicky bin Laden, is a successful lounge singer in Vegas.
* Israel’s Mossad secret intelligence organization was behind the attack. [This one is popular on the streets of Pakistan.]
* After the Arab American owner of a convenience store was witnessed celebrating the attack, the driver of a Budweiser truck pulled all Bud beer cans off the shelves there.
* A piece of rubble from the World Trade Center sold for $5,800 on ebay.
* Video cameras were positioned in advance all around the World Trade Center to capture different angles of the terrorist attacks.
* The water supply [in your town] is poisoned.
* The four hijacked jetliners were actually operated by remote control without any crew or passengers. [This one is also popular on the streets of Pakistan.]
* Osama bin Laden once dated Princess Diana.
* A series of massive terrorist attacks was scheduled to occur in Boston on September 22.
* The Australian Prime Minister canceled his trip to New York City after getting tipped off about the attacks.
* An escaped mental patient danced around nude high atop of the debris of the World Trade Center before being hauled off by FBI agents.
* The Illuminati - or any number of other secret societies - was behind the attack.
* Osama bin Laden owns stock in gum Arabic, an emulsifier used in soft drinks.
* Psychic tarot card reader Miss Cleo predicted the attack - two weeks after it happened.
BONUS: Nostradamus predicted the terrorist attack with the following quatrain: “In the City of God there will be a great thunder, two brothers torn apart by Chaos, while the fortress endures, the great leader will succumb.” [Nostradamus was full of shit].
Twin Towers
Minutes before the 10 a.m. crash, an emergency dispatcher in Pennsylvania received a cell phone call from a man who said he was a passenger locked in a bathroom aboard United Flight 93. The man repeatedly said the call was not a hoax, said dispatch supervisor Glenn Cramer in neighboring Westmoreland County. "We are being hijacked, we are being hijacked!" Cramer quoted the man from a transcript of the call. The man told dispatchers the plane "was going down. He heard some sort of explosion and saw white smoke coming from the plane and we lost contact with him," Cramer said.
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